The Poetry Wall on Payson Road

Poetry Wall Archives 2005

Welcome to Payson Road's Great Wall of Poetry Archives 2005. These talented poets have graciously offered to share their poems for the Wall.

One of Payson Road's goals is to help people by expressing themselves through creative outlets. Poetry is one of the most passionate and intimate forms of writing. Here, many of the poets have expressed their suffering, pain, delight, spirituality, sexuality, frustrations, love and many other emotions through their words. I thank them all for sharing a piece of themselves with us.

If any of these poems touch you or inspire you. please let us know. Post your comments in the Guest Book.

PLEASE BE ADVISED. All Articles/Content are property of the author and Payson Road and subject to US Federal Copyright Laws and International Copyright agreements. You must seek Permission to Reprint from the author for use of any articles/content.

The Winter Wall focuses upon Strength, Courage and Hope. I have chosen this theme as now is the time of year that most people make resolutions be it to stop smoking, start a new fitness regime or to take better care of theirselves. All resolutions need strength, courage, hope and of course will power. Below are a few poems I have chosen that highlight these components.

I stare into the mirror.
Staring at what looks like me,
But isn't.
That's not my reflection.
It's the appearance I thought I hid.
It's the screaming I hear
Inside my head.
It appears in the mirror.
An apparition of the past.
The thoughts I feel
Became physical,
No longer mental.
My eyes stared back at me.
That sad, lonely face appeared.
And for an instant I saw my strength.
The strength I thought I lost
A once strong person on the outside,
Becomes how she feels on the inside.
Lost, but with a glint of hope.
Barely there, tiny in size,
But nevertheless
The strength I need,
To move away from the mirror image.

HOW many of the body's health complain,
When they some deeper malady conceal;
Some unrest of the souled, some secret pain,
Which thus its presence doth to them reveal.
Vain would we seek, by the physician's aid,
A name for this soul-sickness e'er to find;
A remedy for health and strength decayed,
Whose cause and cure are wholly of the mind
To higher nature is the soul allied,
And restless seeks its being's Source to know;
Finding not health nor strength in aught beside;
How often vainly sought in things below,
Whether in sunny clime, or sacred stream,
Or plant of wondrous powers of which we dream!

Strength beckons,
Strength bonds,
Strength comforts,
Strength weakens,
Love is strength,
Yet strength is___
Non-controlling.

We don't always have to be strong.
Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable.
Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back
self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want to get out of our pajamas.
Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay.
They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to
"fall apart" when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength.
We ARE strong.
We have proven that.
Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel
scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, help me to know that is it okay to allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."

My Mirror
by M.D.Burke

I have a fascination with my mirror
No...
She has a fascination with me
Sensing my presence and seeking after me

In my mirror
I see the reflection of another woman
Her dark eyes flicker like colorful leaves released to the wind
Looking back at me with a knowing stare

Capturing her in a paint box of colors
I admire her from afar and within
Making her eyes my own

I dance before my mirror
Watching her body as it moves before me
Making a series of liquid rhythmic motions
Like a feline stalking her prey

I am awash with visions that arouse her deeply
And for a transient moment
I acquiesce to her desires
Feeling the familiar ache in her loins and the
Blood rushing rapidly through her veins

I move her hands restlessly across her stomach and over her thighs
Savoring the soft skin under her fingertips
Touching her in a manner most delicate and forbidden
Lingering over the moments set in time

Specters move in the corners of her eyes
Vanishing when her spirit swings around to confront them
Her painfully repressed fury gives way to panic

Her soul loses its grip on her body
And I slip her pleas for mercy quietly into the darkness of my mind

I comb through the hair she'd let hang free about her face
My breathing finally stills

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain.
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

What if life only lasted a day,
Do you think we'd appreciate it better?
What if life was like hell,
Do you think we would dream?
About a life like we have now?
What if in life we had everything,
Do you think it would get boring?
Why want another life?
Your life is perfect already

Watch those profusely blooming roses
Bursting with laughter on a thorny stalk,
Serenely smiling and shouting with glee
That their strength was never on the wane;
No matter what hardship they undergo,
They will fill the earth with their fragrance.
Think of the moms that undergo throes
And pull through to see a baby born.
Can there be any pains more painful
Than the pangs of child-birth?
I thought Destiny had been hostile to us
Causing nothing but anguish, grief and distress;
Not knowing that struggle tests resiliency
And gives us great endurance and strength
That alone can take us to the shore of success.

The essence of life can be
as intoxicating as the essence
of perfume.
The lasting of life's strength
is revealed to us strangely
through our own endurance.

The boy runs through lifetime's May,
And quickly spends each sparkling day;
Hardly slows to laugh or shout,
No thought of what life's all about.

The youth walks quickly into June
Smiling, whistling; life is a carefree tune.
Only slows to dance and sings,
No thought for what tomorrow brings.

The mid- aged man looks at September,
Pauses, thinks; takes time to remember,
Is May and June and July all spent,
And wonders where life's summer went.

The boy would hold each sun filled day,
Savor the flowers he once crushed in play,
Taste the springtime's first warm breeze,
Warmth from sunbeams, hold, and squeeze.

The youth still whistle, dance and sing,
But wonder what tomorrow brings.
See all of life with smiling face,
But practice some to run life's race.

The mid-aged man would stop and savor,
Just live his life, and taste it's flavor.
And know through spring and summer did fly,
He'd gleaned out the gold,
As they quickly slipped by.

And the old man feel a gentle warming,
In his winter's final snow,
For time spent building memories,
For his sunsets final glow.

I saw you up on Candolet
So lonely, lost and sweet
I dreamt of how I'd find my way
To you on that old street
And I knew when I saw your deep grey eyes
So haunted, soft and warm,
You were the one I'd waited for
Just a Rider on the Storm

You walked past on Market
Near Two AM that day
I wanted so to talk to you
But was at loss for what to say
Caught your eye in the Cafe Du Monde
My heart raced when I saw you smile
Then I watched you wander out
Like a dusty, searching child.
My soul cried out to see you
Follow that girl up First
Then catch her in Antons Alleyway
To Finally slake your thirst
And it finally made me understand
Your kind, old before I was born
Yet you, so young and vulnerable,
Just a Rider on the Storm

Our eyes met in passing,
In front of Hotel Pontatrain,
I saw your blue eyed, blond haired friend
Laughingly call your name
Turning, looking over your shoulder
You paused as if to speak
Then turned away when you heard him say;
'Don't let yourself be weak.'
And I could feel that question
In my mind take form
What would it be to know you?
My lonely Rider on the Storm.

Then last night as I sat here
In Starbucks sipping Chai
I looked up to find you standing there
Just another long haired guy
Then you shrugged and asked me;
"Why? With the sun in your hair and eyes-
What is it that draws you near to me....
A demon in disguise?"

And as you sat down opposite
Waiting, in that chair
I could sense your loneliness,
All your deep despair
And I took a breath and whispered words
So afraid I'd see your scorn;
"I like the way you smile, Kenny,
Just a Rider on the Storm."

You were silent, you didn't rise,
I knew you'd heard me speak
I wondered if you saw me tremble
Noticed my burning cheek?
You stretched your hand across the table
Your fingers strong and warm
Brushing over my fingertips
You, the Rider on the Storm

We slowly walked up Bourbon
Your hair tickling my face
You slid your arm around my shoulder
And my heart began to race
Then you kissed me tenderly
In the darkness before dawn
Before climbing on your Harley
Once more the Rider on the Storm.

I can still feel your lips, Kenny.
My heart you know it breaks
As I linger here alone, feeling like stone
Longing for you when I wake
But I know my Night-time Lover,
Bloodchild so cold yet warm,
I hold you still so close to me,
My wild Rider on the Storm.

There is a darkness
come by
when the light
is weak
and the world
is swathed
in madness.

Yet there is
an inner ear
of goodness
inside our tough veneer
that won't be stilled.

No matter
how compromised
we are.

Love demands answers forever unsaid
The heart knows no words to explain
Love demands nothing that can be taken away
To give and not possess that exquisite pain

Love demands nothing but seeks all
The heart knows no image that can reveal
Love extends but does not insist
To give all is to have all-the sacred seal

Are you Catholic, Protestant, Heathen, or Jew?
That was the question put.
I am human. My spirit is free.
My soul seeks no sectarian slot.
I look to God. He looks at me. He has no face, no special place to dwell.
But His form is nature now and then. Hesmiles through clouds.
He warms me with the sun.. He laughs with me in silly breezes.
He cries with me in sheets of rain.
I cannot clasp Him in the vacuum of my arms.
I cannot touch His cheek, nor hold His hand.
But if I am still.Quiet, quiet in a most silent way...
He is me. I am Him.
Love is our common limb. I live life religiously.

Got to try
and try again
so age will mellow
the years
bitter-sweet
without the poison ness
rancor
of old men
I can't countenance
abject failure.

Tankas are 31-syllable poems that have been the most popular form of poetry in Japan for at least 1300 years. As a form of poetry, Tanka is older than haiku, and Tanka poems evoke a moment or mark an occasion with concision and musicality. Tanka were often composed as a kind of finale to every sort of occasion; no experience was quite complete until a Tanka had been written about it.

For the 2005 Fall Wall, and possibly on ongoing feature for Payson Road, we've asked people to submit their own Tanka about Change. If you haven't had the confidence to write or submit poetry before, this is your chance. We have found a step-by-step guide to aid in writing a Tanka. It's a great opportunity for discovering new artistic ways of _expression and could make a positive "change" in your life.

To create your own 'Change' Tanka, follow the five steps below, suggested by Alysa Cummings:

Risk the unlived life
Tapes run in my head; judge me
Turn them off; tune in
New songs, new stations — risk it
Radio Grow: top ten hit
— Alysa Cummings

These inspiring Tanka were submitted by Payson Road's very own poets and Council members:

True consistency
My mind running in circles
Much perseverance
Living my new found moments
Brave creative explorations

- Sarah Stoodley

Free to be myself
Fear that others will judge me
Creativity
Let go of my fear, just live
Blue sky, Birds fly, Life is mine

- Hilary

Realizing my dreams
I have gotten in my way
Endurance, talent
Taking a moment to breath
Dolphin in the stars flies free

- Sarah Mason

My serenity
My own chaotic thinking
Determination
Power greater than myself
My butterfly faith

- Leslie Freeman

Job satisfaction
A lack of motivation
Determination
Opportunities, take risks
Wake up, Pleasing morning light

- Sarah Lou Stancer

Develop my dreams
Judgement, disappointment, ME
Trusting, believing
Facing the fear of failure
Downpours, rainbows appearing

- Sarah Lou Stancer

My relationships
My own insecurities
Truth, love, happiness
Believing in the above
Dancing Leaves, Waterfalls, Smiles

- Sarah Lou Stancer

To be confident
My inferiority
Self assertiveness
To be happy with me
Dolphins dancing in the sunlight

- Susie Stancer

Poems of Change

The poems below portray some of the many ways changes can occur, from behaviors and feelings through to technology.

There is no greater power
Than the power of goodbye
But now that I'm so weak
I leave you standing by.
Freedom may only come
when I learn to let you go,
Let you leave without me
although it hurts me so.
There is no greater power
Than the power of goodbye
I know you will destroy me
If I don't give that word a try.
But I cannot close the door,
I cannot turn away,
I still want your protection,
I still need you to stay.
There is no greater power
Than the power of goodbye,
Yet you carry the weight of my pain,
You give me the chance to fly.
If I say goodbye to you
You'll return that pain to me,
I cannot face it all again -
Retread what has already been.....
I know the word that I must say,
But I cannot tell you goodbye today.

Life Has Changed
by Stephanie

From black and white
and a simple life
to Technicolor
and lives so much fuller

it's really strange
how the world can change
so fast
forgetting all about the past

some people say the future is now
while others just sit back and say wow
some don't care
while others must be aware

always striving
to keep surviving
providing essentials
and even credentials

doing things unnecessary
instead of being at the library

having so much fun
until all our energy is done

people say you only live once
which makes people think like such a dunce
we need to think in moderation
and not use as much as a nation

LIFE HAS CHANGED FROM WHAT IT USED OT BE
FOR EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOU AND ME!

The Seasons Change
by Rick

It seems to be that time of year
that everything changes here
it turns its colors and sheds it leaves
some people change from t-shirt to sleeves.
some people love spring, others love fall
but to be honest I hate them all
the only time when I'm a peace is when the trees just start to get leaves
the bud out enough to see what they are
some have bugs I used to put in a jar
three of the season remind me of the past
spring was the first, winter was the last.
I loved mid spring in my childhood days
I'd run and skip and jump and play
I liked to climb my big maple tree
but now its 1300 miles away from me
I can't stand Oklahoma in the last two seasons
there is no truth, there's only reasons
there's no mountains to see turn bear
just trees. trees everywhere
not even trees I played in before
most of these trees are made into doors
my tree would never be cut
all these other trees are kinda like mutts
there's so many here. and when seasons change
the trees seem to rearrange
they shed there leaves and open up space
and that's why I hate this place
its too big, too flat, and too bare
after this place I'll go anywhere
away from here to that perfect place
the place to paint a smile on my
face

How Things Change
by Babygirl

My soul is left so miserable,
My life is out of balance,
My writers touch has lost all meaning and,
My pen is out of talent.

I don't feel that I want a family and,
I don't feel that I need my friends,
I don't want a life if I can't live where,
I don't expect a happy end.

I cannot stop the tears that roll when,
I hear that melody, all emotions just pour out,
I fell each note just cuts threw my veins,
I'm just a reject who's lost what they're all about.

I never thought my time would come when,
I was the one who was in despair,
I always had to look out for everyone else but,
I feel it's my time to stop, cry and try to repair.

The times I sat and took the crap,
The time I was shat on and made to feel low,
The time, the times I always picked you up and,
The times you didn't want to listen, or to watch me grow.

I've become a psycho queen because,
I've wanted to escape for so long,
I've found my confidence, my sarcasm, and my hate,
I've found everything that's a sin, everything that appears to be wrong.

The best and worst thing is that I'm not even sorry,
The fact is I don't feel you're pain but I'm happy to cause it,
The choices I make are not made by me but I'm not gonna cut it and edit, and,
The devil that appears to have possessed me to cause our split.

Just give me time to unveil and to remember myself,
Just carry on as normal that's how you can help you know,
Just let me work out if gonna carry on this act,
Just give me the time to be who I need to, so I can let the monster go.

A Day for Change
by Mark Hopwood

It looks like a good day for change today
Word on the street shows a bright new way
The sun shines down and removes all the Grey,
It's a great day for change today.

We hold the path to our dreams in our hand
Barriers come tumbling, we stand tall on our land
Now maybe there's a chance that you can understand,
Just follow the path of dreams in your hand.

The world seems to be spinning, back on its course
And the tide glistens as it rolls off the shores
If we all make a stand and the giant loudly roars,
It would all be spinning back on course.

So point the way
And follow your direction
Now what was today
Is tomorrows reflection.

And it looks like a good day for change today
word on the street shows a bright new way
The sun shines down...
And its a great day today.

Everything's changing
So why don't you too
Just be who you really are
And there's nothing you can't do
It's true,
Yes the truth is the key
See through the lies and you will see
You really be you
And I'll really be me
We do what we do
Just to be free,
So open your eyes
And stop being blind
Don't step into lies
Just find your peace of mind.

Change
by Char

We want to improve our lives,
In any way we can,
So we go through all of the steps,
And follow a certain plan

When we want something ever so greatly,
We try to persevere,
Our determination overpowers the rest of our emotions,
And nothing can make us run away in fear

But change can also be scary,
For we don't know what to expect,
Will we go down in flames,
Or will we gain respect?

Uncertainty is like a deep black hole,
A never-ending tunnel with no light,
There are no signs to direct you,
There is no reassurance in sight

But when you do decide to change,
You'll know that you were right,
You never know how dark and lonely your life is,
Until you come up and see the light

This Secret
by Brea

Holding this secret is tearing me apart
I know you will not accept my chosen heart
If I tell you where I truly lye
You will not listen and not comply
I already feel ashamed and alone
Now to feel like that at my own home
All the taunting and fear that surrounds it
I only wanted to be where I could fit
I know who I am when I am real
I don't know how much longer I can conceal
My mind and body remain so obscure
I may have my doubts and I'm almost sure
I look to myself to be willing and deal
But, I can't do that when I can not feel
I can not help who I want or love
Can you just accept and not judge?
I've become depressed because I hide
Who I truly am and how I feel inside
I know you can not possibly understand
Why I chose the side of the hand

Alone I Bear the Burden
by Alyssa A.

Why me?
What's happening to me?
It never used to be this way
but now pain is all I see
Please someone help me!

I'm locked inside my head
lost, confused, and lonely
desperately do I seek myself
is my quest futile?

Will I ever find the answers that I seek?
I have lost my way
I've never been so weak
I thought I was strong
but now I know the truth
I can't take it any longer
I need help but what's the use

I used to be an honors student
but 2 years have now gone by
my A's have turned to B's and C's
my transcript makes me cry

too many expectations
I can't let anyone down
but inside my heart is breaking
my smile, it's now a frown

I'm so scared
my mask is slipping
I'm afraid to trust again
what if I'm betrayed
oh, who dare I befriend

Inside, I really am aware
that no one can shoulder the burden I hold
those weaker then I would falter
those I love left out in the cold

those outside I beg for guidance
my soul cries out the truth, help?
No one can help me,
I have far too much to lose

None I love could bear the burden
It would cause them too much pain
I'll just have to grin and bear it
and alone my soul will remain

I know I must fight alone
but those I love are by my side
they may not share the burden
but they wipe the tears I've cried

Life's not all that bad you know
though faith I've yet to see
I patiently await the day
When someone will set me free

Eating Disorder (a recovery poem)
- Author unknown

I awoke in the darkness
Alone
I searched for the light that I thought was you
Your deceptive smile blinded me
You made me feel alive,
while secretly killing me
I thought you would help me face the world,
but you isolated me instead
You were supposed to enhance my identity
but you made me lose sight of who I am
I could look like a holocaust victim,
and only see fatness
You censor the world from beauty and truth,
all that gets through is insecurity and ugliness
With you I thought I could starve away my pain
and purge the poison inside
but you were the poison
I crashed upon your shore
I was content to be there
But like an eagle,
I am learning how to fly...
I was meant to soar.

Fall Poetry

These fantastic poems were submitted by Payson Road's very own poets

Reflection
by C K Letts

The rain was falling cold and fast
the time passed by so slow
As I looked back into the past
at those I used to know.

My mind it drifted in a haze
to places that I'd been
to starlit nights and balmy days
those moments so serene.

Then suddenly I realised
it caught me by surprise
the future is idealised
by the memories we prize

So if you look to know you fate
it's not the new you seek.
But a doorway or familiar gate
A once pristine antique

Autumn
by C K Letts

Shadows of the winter
leave a shiver in the shade
Springtime moving onward
in a subtle trace of jade
Summer jewels they sparkle
incandescent as they dally
As the autumn glow it beckons
from a silent distant valley

Grow Fingers
by Durlabh Singh

And I grow fingers and thumbs to write more
The verses that do not follow straight lines
But zigzagging under the open skies
In chromed yellow sunlight
In canopy of the trees
Of the emerald green.

Deserts there are, heat exhausted creatures
Which demand to know the arrival of dawn
Within the hot sandy dunes loneliness resides
Seized in sounds of silences the wind sighing.

Winters I have seen , in interiors of people
Where motions are frozen in frigid bonds
And down pours from dark clouds echoes
The deaths of the moths on the frozen ponds.

Today I speak from depths of the being
From slits in roofs , from broken charades
From blood soaked minds under the bullets metallic
Or women singing their songs in mud soaked paddies.

Run with syrup on my parched lips
Or disappear in the immensity of the seas
Rain forested creatures wormed of nights
In wakeful of the myths for mutterings in dawn.

I Will Contemplate
by Durlabh Singh

Today I will contemplate
Surges in cosmic memory
And wind will help me
In uncovering breaths of universe.

Pulverising the depths of solitude
I will find fluidity in great oceans
Studded with shoals of sun creatures
Will get adorned in colours of millions.

Thoughts in flowers amid ornaments
Will shine like the starry heavens
Vibrating their silvery tonalities
In rivers of some great endeavours.

Cheat'n Love, Cheat'n Mind
by Joseph & Randall D'Agostino

So you've lost, another lover
This time, she's gone for good
Hope you find, another lover
And that she'll, be understood
Is this the best that you can do
or will some other love be true
Cheat'n Love, Cheat'n Mind
Hope some day, that you'll find a lover
who'll satisfy you
Hearts can break, hearts can mend
So hold on, to your friend, forever
Until the very end
When ya gonna find that lover
that's the day you will discover
Your Cheat'n mind.

Just Miss Me Too
by Randall D'Agostino

I think about you every day
walking through the woods alone, without you
Times we spent so far apart
the tears we cried away from, one another
My life was you
Now it seems through
But don't you cry
Just miss me to
A girl like you is so hard to find
I keep on searching, Oh but, there is no one
Every time I find someone
She turns out to be just like any other
My life was you
now it seems through
but don't you cry
Just miss me too
Memories of you are all I have to keep in my heart, just you
Searching my whole life for love, I should never have lost
I think about you every day
walking through the woods alone, without you
times we spent so far apart
tears we cried away from, one another
My life was you
Now it seems through
But don't you cry
Just miss me too...

The Wall
by C K Letts

So many things to think about
Whilst staring at the wall
Yet the wall remains unhelpful
To the thoughts I need to call
All though it keeps the weather out
And gives the roof support
I beg for inspiration
Yet the wall leaves me distraught

The Writer, The Boxer and the Poet
by Vince Gullaci

Rant and rave
at the injustice
of it all
but there's no one
else
to blame
an ordinary life
with an extra ordinary
talent
doesn't make
for happiness.

Falling
by Valerie Ann Benedict

Thoughts turn cold like this
thoughts once tempered with rain
now dried and withered
all that I am
descends
like autumn

Like the leaves
cracked torn and dying
they appear to be broken winged fairies
Still reaching for the sky as they fall
This is how it is for me

People walk by
stomping on them as they pass
oblivious to the plight around them

I pick up the tiny pieces
and send them flying back into the wind
and I wonder where my own pieces have gone

The Summer wall focuses on good body image, loving your body for what it is. I have chosen this theme as I find summer to be one of the hardest times for me with regards to my body image - perhaps because we tend to 'display' more of our body and focus on being like others?

Dear belly, please
forgive me for:
girdles
corsets
attempts to be twig-thin

nourishment not taken
food crammed in

words unsaid
cries stifled
rage unspoken
rage unscreamed

joy denied
desire denied
power denied

constriction
restriction
prescription
proscription

collusion with this culture's
breeding for non-being

I embrace you, belly.
Life fire, I salute you.

I release you
to live me, breathe me
in your own full rhythm.

Terra's Magnetism

You draw me to you, dreaming,
beckon me tenderly.

Tending toward home I go,
to the mother lode,
magneto spinning at center,
attending to breath,
intending to unite,
guided by whispers and tendrils of grace.

The blood in my veins and my
rich-blooded womb,
as red as the iron, the ocher in yours,
sings your songs to me,
makes me crave your company.

I prepare to meet you, greet you,
coloring my hair, hands, feet with henna,
core seeking molten core:
stoking the fire,
heating the ore,
compressing the passion.

Open to the intercoursing of breath, caress,
animated by instinctive elegance,
by consolidated essence,
the resonance of bellies,
your magnetic tenderness,

I settle into your embrace.

Below I have included two poems that were submitted by readers of Teen Voices whom wanted their voices to be heard and the issues to be addressed.

Glamour Queens in Size Two Jeans

Dear Teen Voices, I am sending this poem for Teen Voices as it deals with eating disorders/body image - an issue of great concern among teenagers these days. I am a graduate student in a program called Creative Arts in Learning. My focus is giving voice to issues through poetry, movement, the visual arts and storytelling. Creative expression has helped me through my recovery from an eating disorder. -Nathalie Gottlieb, Somerville, MA

Glamour Queens in Size Two Jeans
by Nathalie Gottlieb

Who are those glamour queens in size two jeans?
Making me look in the mirror
And hate what I see
Making me ugly and awkward
Making me eat rice cakes
And whatever it takes
To be like those glamour queens in size two jeans
And who are they anyway?
Making me punish myself
hate myself
hurt myself
Because I have no will
Like those glamour queens in size two jeans
And who are they anyway?
Making me eat my sorrow
eat my emptiness
eat my broken promises
eat because it hurts too much to cry
because its easier than fighting
because its easier than sitting down
On the warm solid earth
Taking a deep breath
And connecting to the warm solid earth
And loving me
And who are they anyway?
Those glamour queens in size two jeans
Making me feel alive when I'm thin
And disgusted when I give in
To the temptations of sin
And WHY is it sin to
Feed our bodies
To FEED our bodies
To NURTURE ourselves
To LOVE bodies
To CONNECT with ourselves
To BE ourselves
And NOT one of those glamour queens in size two jeans.

Image

by Nicole Diamond
Chicago, Illinois

She counts her calories at lunch,
Measure her self-worth
By the numbers on the scale.
The flattering new dress she bought
Hangs in the closet unworn,
Waiting while she sheds
The extra pounds.
When he kisses her,
She worries that his hands,
Tenderly carressing her waist,
Are secretly measuring her fat.

She stares into the mirror
At the failure before her.
She gets As in every subject,
Never sits alone in the halls,
Always has a boyfriend,
But can't seem to lose enough weight
To make herself beautiful.
The models in "Cosmo"
Only make her feel worse,
With their sultry smirks,
Through perfect lips,
Form a perfect face and body.

Friends tell her how slender she is;
She's sure they are insincere.
She skips dinner, too much homework
And exercises until she feels dizzy.
The weight drops slowly,
2 pounds, 5 pounds, 10 pounds,
But still the mirror
Tells her she is fat.

She wears bulky sweaters
And baggy jeans,
Hiding the weight, and the ribs
That lately seem
To show through her skin.
Her fingernails have
Started to turn blue.
Mornings when the alarm rings,
She doesn't have the energy
To reach over and silence it.
One friend asks her if she's okay,
After she nearly faints during class.
She smiles wanly and nods;
She's too tired to speak.

She weighs less
Than any model in a magazine,
Still she doesn't think she is thin enough.
Her mother asks her daily
What she wants for dinner,
Not accepting that whatever food
Goes down her throat
Travels the reverse journey
Ten minutes later.
She shivers with cold all the time now.
Her boyfriend has stopped calling.
Models seem to jeer at her
From their magazine covers.
She weighs less than she did
In seventh grade;
The excess fat still clings to her.

But she is determined
To diet her way to happiness-
Even if it kills her.
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Summer Wall 2005

These wonderful poems were submitted by Payson Road's very own poets;

Rhett Butler

Do you dream of mint juleps in the summer
When it's so muggy and hot?
Sitting in the breeze of the verandah
In a favorite spot
And I think of you, that special smile
Rare moment your guard is down
But just then you retreat
Vanish without a sound

And I feel just like Rhett Butler
In Gone with the Wind
Cause you seem like Scarlett OHara
Just hard eyed once again,
All that charm that brings me closer
Then with a word pushes me away
Leaving me outside in the rain
With nothing left to say

I got used to being a gambler
Taking my chances with life and love
Rushing in where angels fear to tread
When push comes to shove
I have tried to play it lightly,
When it comes down to you
Do you care, you don't play fair
With the hoops you put me through

And I feel just like Rhett Butler
Trying to hide my heart
From the one I want so much to have it
But who rips it all apart
So I try so hard to be indifferent
Tease you with mocking smile
But I'm sitting here, like a cat watching,
Hoping all the while

Your dark eyes part of your defenses
You are hot as a Georgia Night
But with passion comes that subtle anger
And you don't bark before you bite
I hide my pain behind a smile
Reply to your cynical remark
But I have felt that icy manner
Turn to heat and spark

I feel just like Rhett Butler
Hoping you'll understand someday
But I get so tired of hurting
And feeling pushed away
Don't wait to long for realization
As you run back through mists
To the place that we started
To find if I really exist

Sitting on the porch at sunset
The sun red in the sky
Feeling drained of every emotion
No more tears left to cry
But I hold out that spark of hope
I still believe in a rainbows end
That somewhere in the deep part of your soul
I'm much more than a friend

And I feel just like Rhett Butler
At the end of Gone with the Wind
Standing there, too tired to care
About where you could have been
I feel your words, not sure of their meaning
Do you even know who I am?
But at least for today,
My dear I don't give a damn.

copyright 6/2002 D.Hoffmann

Debra Hoffmann lives in Queens New York with 6 cats and is a Wisewoman/tarot reader when she's not counselling. She has written one book of animal stories based on her years working at a local animal shelter and has two manuscripts in progress that are about vampires.

Adult Reality
By Jerry Swim

When we live our childhood days
We wish that we were grown,
So we might have the pleasures
Only "grownups" seem to own.

Then the days cannot go fast enough,
Time drags on mired feet,
Oh hurry life on your road so rough,
Why can't you be more fleet?

And then we reach adulthood,
And this dream so fondly pursued;
But is this such a wondrous thing,
This dream our hearts had wooed?

I think we all might cast aside,
These "great pleasures" and "great joys"
For just one of those happy, care free days,
We owned when we were boys.

Journey
By Jerry Swim

In life's springtime, the boy is king;
He rides dragons in the sky;
The sun's his golden chariot'
Clouds are winged horses he makes fly.

No dragons live forever,
Winged horses tire and fall,
Gold chariots fade at twilight,
And spring soon heeds winter's call.

Then the boy's inside, with silent screams,
And time's prison won't let him out;
The golden beams, just faded schemes,
That reality turned to doubt.

And daylight seems to him a mask,
Night lurks just like a shroud,
As the reaper slowly does his task,
The silent screams grow loud.

A relentless march, the numbers grow,
The scythe whispers at his heels,
Closer then the shrouded ghost,
To the golden chariot steals.

Now love's just a great illusion,
And success a desperate try,
For some order from confusion,
As all the dreams begin to die.

Now the castle walls are falling down,
And the gold crown turns to gray,
And his queen is gone, he rules alone,
And the king just fades away.

Now the exiled monarch,
Gold chariots cannot find,
No dragons or winged horses,
Just ghost shadows in his mind.

And with a yearning look above,
He embraces the constant dread,
The imprisoned boy grows silent now,
And the golden kingdom's dead.

Fear
By Jerry Swim

Steel fingers
Grip and tear,
Muscles freeze,
Sudden fear!

Infant's cry,
Fear's first breath,
All of life,
Fear of death.

Fear of pain,
Fear of time,
Fear life's ladder,
Fear the climb.

Afraid of love,
Fear the night,
Lonely, weak,
Fear of might.

Final sigh,
Darkness deep,
End of fear,
Final sleep.

W.R. Jones

All of the lives residing in this city;
I can ask none of them for pity...
We will only gaze through each other to other places,
Ignoring the love in our tearstained faces.

Farther worlds roll by
Leaving in silence as they slowly die...
Is their a voice of beauty in my head,
Or am I already dead?

I swear that I knew what the dying man was saying,
Crying his soul away as he was praying
For me to release him from my mind;
But, who else could I ever hope to find?

Farther worlds vanish into the wind,
Because of the poor child who has sinned...
The voice that was never heard out loud,
The sad, lonely face in the crowd.

For all of my tears, the stars would gaily dance,
Whenever they could get the chance
To play amid their horrors in the sky,
Waiting for me to die...

Farther worlds roll by,
Leaving in silence as they slowly die...
Is their a beautiful voice in my head,
Or am I already dead?

The Spring wall focuses on the lyrics written by two women whom have struggled with eating disorders. These women have found that through writing and singing their thoughts and feelings were expressed - Their voices are heard.

I have chosen to use these lyrics as they have helped me to work through difficult times with my own bulimia. I have found both Geri Karlstrom and Laurie Daily to be inspirational to meand my recovery. Geri Karlstrom - Soulful Journey

Soulful Journey

No need to be alone
I sense just how it's going
And I can hear your shame
I know you're lost in blame
Your path will take you
Sometimes to regret
But there's a reason
You'll find your sunset

You're on a soulful journey
Living your one and only life
Yes joy will find you
And love and all that's true

Won't tell you what to do
But I am here for you
You've been hurting for so long
Now it's my turn to be strong
I can't protect you
But I can listen
And I can give you
Some hope you're missing

You're on a soulful journey
Living your one and only life
Yes joy will find you
And love and all that's true
And peace will find you
And hope and all that's true

Words and music by Geri Karlstrom. Copyright © 1998 Ger's Music / SOCAN. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

Courage

In the darkest part of me
Is a deep place I fall
My disease lives in there
I hear the addicts call
So lost in thoughts
And a quest for some relief
Wanting to run from the pain to the peace
But I'll sit with these sorrows
And I'll feel the feelings near
Then I'll learn I won't perish
And find my courage here

Words & music by Geri Karlstrom. Copyright © 1998 Ger's Music / SOCAN. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

Serenity

It's time to face my feelings
It's time to face my fears
To walk on through the fire
And take the time for tears
I know that peace will be there
Right on the other side
And pain will wash from my heart
With the tears I cry

I need to start believing
To feel the strength of trust
Open my soul completely
To give my will I must
To hear from my Creator
And let unfold each day
Deal with the past behind me
And move a different way

So I give my heart to you
Open up my hand to you
Help me find what peace can be
Living in serenity

It's time to face my feelings
It's time to face my fears
To make amends to others
Make up for my lost years
I know that peace will be there
Right on the other side
Serenity will take me
Across the great divide

So I give my heart to you
Open up my hand to you
Help me find what peace can be
Living in serenity
So I give my heart to you
Everything I say and do
Help me find what peace can be
Living in serenity

Words & music by Geri Karlstrom. Copyright ©1995 Ger's Music / SOCAN. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

Starving For Attention

Bones are beautiful
My drug of choice
Striving for perfection
And I'm driven to
Run to you
In the wrong direction
How does that make you feel?
Why can't I make you see?

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

I can't be myself
The mirror tells
Lies and says I'm ugly
Am I really here?
I cut my skin
It takes a knife to find me
I can't make me feel
So now I have to bleed

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Dying for attention
Too much on her plate
Things that she can't face
Starving for attention
Craving your attention
She's dying for your attention

Laurie is a professional singer and Certified Eating Disorder Associate who has dedicated her music to eating disorder recovery. All of the songs on Laurie's CDs relate to her own journey from eating disorders to health in hopes to inspire others to live a life free from anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating. Laurie also combines her education, personal experience, soulful voice and powerful music in a unique inspirational presentation concerning eating disorders. She has performed nationwide at colleges and conferences. To find out more and to listen to Laurie's music visit: www.lauriedaily.com

What ya tryin to prove
Who you tryin to show
What you know
how far will you go
to be somebody

Everyday becomes a beginning
for you to compete
to feel complete
gotta be better than
the day before
ya gotta be more

It's al on the outside
you can hide
what you feel inside
but you gotta show them
you gotta blow them away
someday

The way you look
the way you talk
the way you sing
the style you bring
what you do
who you screw
you just knew
you gotta be the best
Better than the rest

Don't you know
It's just a show
and that I know, my friend
you gotta look inside
stop running
don't waste your time
give up the fight
and you'll find
the power that you are seeking

Ah, your beauty lies within
Ah, your beauty lies within
So Girl,you think you got the hair
the nails
but have you got the breasts?
Society will put you to the test
Are you toned yet you still feel alone
silicone injected, infected,
still neglected
A little more a little less
are you willing to confess
what you ingest
to keep the thighs
that go with that shape
keep your head in the toilet
tryin not to spoil it
you gotta compete to feel complete

And you look for the man
with the wallet in his hand
you screw and say "I do"
and you think you're safe
for a while
doesn't matter that he cheats
slaps you against the door and calls
you a whore
His apology and all his theology
dry your tears and make you smile
for awhile
take a drink and somethin pink to help
you sink into sleep for awhile

Chorus

Mr. Cool strives not only to be rich
but to chase the bitch everyone else is
dreaming of
He's got the car, the cash, the vial
full of hash
or whatever love drug fashion bug that
the thing is into that day
He's got the toys, he hangs
with the boys,
keeps up the macho superficial noise
but nobody knows what's inside
... for he hides

won't shed a tear,
never call him queer
take another drink, smoke,
light up dope,
try to make a joke
no on will get under this masquerade
... he's alone

He is alone
under all that muscle tone
but don't tell him he's got a problem
for he'll make you the blame,
put you to shame,
try to protect his name
somewhere deep inside
he knows he can't hide

Chorus

My heart's fragments
scatter in your wild flower
While you graze my field
like a flame in the breeze
spread your seed on the dusty ground
If I could pull you around
Bring my Heart together
Bring my Heart together
just don't leave me now

In the darkness
my pale complexion
blends into the doormat
don't forget to wipe your feet
your light is so elusive and
oh so fleeting
If I could pull myself around
Bring my heart together
Bring my heart together
jsut don't leave me now
This Emptiness is too big for me
& there's a fallacy where hope used to be

Though my pains feels so infutile
I know there's an exit
I just can't find the door
my persistence is staggering
I thought you were the answer
but I guess I was wrong
oh your calm is like counting sheep
I just can't fall asleep

An artful deception
a dangerous persuasion
your flame is only momentary
yet you can still win me under
Bring my heart together
Bring my heart together
just don't leave me now
cause this Emptiness is Too Big for me
& there's a vacancy, a vacancy

(Words by Laurie, music by K. Arnold)

Spring Wall 2005

These wonderful poems were submitted by Payson Road's contributing poets.

Long is the Road
by Nina Zobenica

Long is the road
That life makes us follow
A heavy lift the load
With such burden
In pity do we wallow
The soul searches for that which is good
But the heart pervades the wish
For pure it hard obtaining,
Sin is freely dished.

Yesterday
by Helen

Why does my mind betray me?
I begin afresh each day
determined to make this one count
towards the freedom I want for me.

But every day I fail
fail to keep the monster at bay
fail to keep from purging out the pain
wasting away into the nothingness.

Nice Girl
by Leslie Freeman

A nice girl
I think I just want
Wedding cake
Can I get
to heaven
or is this
as good as it gets?

Dreams
by Leslie Freeman

Missing my dreams
the sunshine somewhere
an angel talking
her piece of heaven
I am wrong

For Me
by Sarah

For me Sometimes,
The monster;
Sleeps soundly, far away
But then it wakes
And appears, searching
In the Street
In the House
In the TV
In my mind
In my heart

I want it to go
So I sleep,
It is there, on the floor
under my bed.
It wakes me
It has caught me
I can't hide.
My mind spins
My heart thumps.

I am trapped in his whirlwind
The vicious circle is upon me.
I have lost control
Again.

The Winter wall is set to the theme of the butterfly, The mascot of Payson Road; the symbol of recovery, rebirth, life and freedom. Winter, although traditionally thought of as a time of death in nature is also a kind of pathway to rebirth which is much the path of the butterfly.

I was inspired to create the theme of the butterfly for the poetry wall whilst I was 'putting together' the Fall Wall and came across Robert Frost's Poem; "My Butterfly". Since reading this I have seen many gifts and emails including butterflies and felt they were 'speaking' to me.

Below I have included several poems about Butterflies, my favorite being "Butterfly In The Wind", I think this is a perfect example for us to relate ourselves to the butterfly as we are all in different in some way, shape or form and we are all special. Butterfly In The Wind Poem Author Unknown A child is........ A butterfly in the wind, Some can fly higher than others; but each one flies the best it can. Why compare one against the other? Each one is different! Each one is special! Each one is beautiful! Butterflies Author Unknown Butterflies go fluttering by On colored wings that catch the eye. On wings of orange, and silvery blue, On wings of golden yellow, too. Butterflies float in the air, Making their homes most anywhere: The rainforest, field, and prairie land, On mountaintops, and desert sand. If winter brings the cold and snow, To warmer climates, off they go! Returning home the following spring, Beautiful butterflies on the wing! Legend of the Butterfly Author Unknown Once as a child many years ago... on a balmy summer's eve. I sat in the yard at my Mother's side... and a butterfly lit at my sleeve. "It's a sign of good luck", my Mother said. As the butterfly stayed at my arm... "It's a symbol of all the beauty in life. Make sure you do it no harm." First butterflies are eggs and after they hatch... they see that their life's just beginning. They're content with their lot in life, so, they go out on a limb and start spinning. They stay out awhile in a magic cocoon.... then emerge like flowers in spring. Then they share the story of their victory and success... through each of the colors of their wings. The gold in their wings is the"Golden Rule"... To follow that is a must. The blue....That means true blue. Always be someone people can trust. The green of the tip of their wing is saying Stay green, and you'll always grow. The silver is the lining in the clouds of doubt... that you must look for as you go through life. Butterflies bend with the wind, it's true. Still they get where they want to go. They arrive by persistence through their own insistence... A lesson more people should know. Sought and valued by the whole human race... For their beauty, tenacity and charm. If a butterfly ever chances to stay at your sleeve... remember, my friend, don't fight it, but, learn all you can from the butterfly clan. And you too, may become a rare item. Butterfly Author Unknown Take a step outside your shell To drink the secrets of the well No longer will you fit inside There's no more need to run and hide It's easy now to be yourself And set your fears upon a shelf To close your eyes for just a thought And reconsider all you're taught Wishes made when you were young Captured in the songs you sung Freed your heart to laugh and play Reminders of a former day So now you look through open eyes To ask the hows, the whens, the whys To search the world to find your part And free the dreams within your heart index
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Winter Wall 2005 These wonderful poems were submitted by Payson Road's contributing poets. Life by Melissa Lee Reid The picture is much different Than the vision I have in my head. Whose life if this anyway? I ask myself The one that I’m living Is not mine. Then whose life is it? I want my life, The one in my head. The one where nothing gets in my way, The one where my thoughts Are my own, not clouded, tainted Or controlled. Leave me alone, I want my life back. I deserve it, I want it. I crave it. If this isn’t my life Then whose life is it? Disappear by Melissa Lee Reid Hug me, Love me, Notice me; Be my friend Be my lover Be my safe place. I need strength I need patience I need me But I don’t need you. You know who you are I tell you everyday You hurt me You’re killing me I want OUT. I want to love me I want to spend time With those who care about me And love me You’re not one of them So just disappear. Don’t you think I know? A jab, a bunt, A hit, a crack, Taken to heart A knife in my back. Just one small word A look, a poke, I’m self-concious enough, I feel like a joke Brush it off like I don’t feel it, It not my fault anyway, It’s a ‘medical problem’ That makes me this way. At least that’s what I tell them, Let something else take the blame, But really I feel hurt Disgusted and ashamed. All I want is normality, Nothing more, nothing less, To really be fine But right now I’m a mess. Warrior by Melissa Lee Reid I can see the end, The bright light is near, I can feel it’s warmth And I have no fears. Beneath this cloud I’ve seen fog and rain, My insides washed out It’s all been in vain. A tattered, torn self, Is what I’ve made of this gift, Been put on the earth I should be glad to exist. The tears are like thunder That claps in the night, They’re not signs of submission Instead signs of fight. For so long I felt nothing, An aching black hold, A scared little girl A body with no soul. They pour the love in Loved but can’t feel it, My insides are bare Like pouring tar in a pit. Like climbing up a cliff, I struggle through each day, Clawed my way to my core I’ve had hell to pay. Each day is a new one, Not over till it’s done, I’m going to succeed Because I do see the sun. Blowing in the Wind by Krissie Cope A single, lonely blade of glass, Standing in the world that’s so vast, Being blown from side to side, With no-where to run & hide. Taking all the wind & the rain, Along with the weather comes the strain, Bending over but never giving in, Still managing to bear it & grin. Resistance builds with the ages, It gets easier to lift the heavy pages, Beginning to run after the walk, Learning to shout after the talk. Forever like this we can stand, Swaying to & fro in this open land, Being defiant in the face of hurt, Never bowing down into the dirt. We are all alone in our world, Witnesses to futures as they unfurl, Standing tall & feeling brave, Not letting woe see us into a shallow grave. Departure Time by Paul Greulich The trap was more elaborate than we’d thought, sprung slowly in plain view Suddenly you felt so small. So this is the world without you Just wind, the horizon lines painted onto surfaces fields dark as the sea I left you but I can go on living I can nod my head and follow lines Like anyone else, I need no destination In the absence between buses I wonder where the world is hiding your remains. The Great Debate by Giulia Rozzi I didn’t want to go to yoga yesterday Well, I did but my mind insisted we didn’t have time, it seems to think we never have enough of anything. He tempted me with ice cream and television, so I gave in. It almost seemed like a sensible meditation, the electric buzz of the television does send vibrations through my center. I am taken to another place by the TV’s brilliant light. But is that place higher? My mind addressed the question with a cup of coffee and a joint. Tricky the mind is, he manipulated my body on his side. Together they ransacked the refrigerator. The body screamed “ I’m full!” but the mind silenced the cries with chocolate chip cookies. Sick of being ignored. The body separated herself, dragging its heaviness to the couch; nostalgia grew of nights we cuddled under a blanket hiding from the world. The sun was gone. The body felt toxic. She was tired, but far too over stimulated to sleep. The body gave up her energy to the mind, she always does that. The body always let’s the mind treat her so bad and then crawls back for more abuse. Authorities should be called, but they refuse to get involved in domestic disputes. The mind is so hyped up, he begins racing, making lists of things to do, a list of things already done, a list of groceries, a list of budgets, a list of lists to make. The mind has a lot to do and this body won’t budge! “Get up!” the mind screams. The body remains still. “Get up!” the mind screams a bit louder, still no movement. “Get up!” this time the mind is so enraged by the lack of co-operation it begins to beat the body so badly she becomes ill. Now the body is up, hunched over the toilet. The mind pushes, screams, hurts. The body cried, but the mind can’t hear, it just yelled, “ I am in control, you need me!” Battered and broken, the body whispered “ and you need me.” Realizing what he’s done, the mind stepped back, guilt filled any of its empty spaces. The mind looked for someone to blame. “My memories made me do it, it wasn’t really me, it was them! Pain, suffering, fear, they made me do this!” The body responded, “I am leaving you” The mind screamed “ No, please, stay I love you!” “Words are nothing with out action” the body began to get up. “But I can’t act without you” cried the mind “Exactly” the body stood up. Just then the heart spoke up. “What’s going on here?” she asked. The mind and body were startled, they clamored to respond but were speechless. The heart asked, “ What happen to simplicity? What happen to compassion? What happen to loving one another?” The mind and body remained frozen like a child anticipating a scolding. The heart reached to open the curtains, rays of sunshine radiated through the bodies bruised skin and brightened the minds foggy clutter. The heart walked over to the mind and body, lifting them, embracing them saying “Come on, we have work to do, there is a breath that needs to be listened to. They sat together, illuminated, listening to the air as it passed through open lungs, whom without words said enough to make everyone fall in love again.

Featured Poet

John Tiong ChungHoo is an award winning haiku writer from Malaysia. Recently won two haiku contests in Japan, one in kamakura known as the kamakura one verse haikai rengga, and the other a big scale contest organized by the city hall of Hekinan. He has also won an honorable mention for the first takashi hoshino haiku contest organized by the world haiku club along with two honorable mentions and a merit haiku for its annual new year haiku contests. For poetry, John won merit poem on voicesnet.com international poetry contest and third prize in another on-international poetry contest. His works have been published in Japan, the United States, United Kingdom, Belgium, India, Singapore, Hong Kong, Australia among others. He aspires to become a poet laureate one day. Johns specialist area within poetry is in other Japanese-styled poetry such as tanka and senryu.


Follows are the works of John Tiong Chunghoo.


Haiku one:

island rain
only half the road
wet

Haiku two:

city trap
old tree wedged between
two tall buildings

Haiku three:

spring rain
the child cries to accompany
mom to market

Free Verse Poetry:

Haiku Quest - Nature Bursting At The Seams

after being blanketed, stored away,
the earth bursts forth at every corner.
the first to announce the arrival
of the wondrous season are the
tiny yellow green weeds
that inch through every floor crack
outside the house.
tree twigs, bare for three months,
start sending out
twin-leaf green peace signs.
young office workers put on new attires
to match the mind refreshing growth.
butterflies, birds and bees hail in the
season with a chorus of spring songs
and mindboggling dances.
jovial aunties and uncles too dance
to a lighter tune now that they
need not be bounded up in heavy clothes.

Sarah-Louise Stancer is long time friend to Payson Road and published poet. We are thrilled to have her officially join Payson Road as it's Poet-in-Residency and Poetry Wall Editor. Her poems are exquisite. Her are a few selections from Sarah-Lou's brilliant portfolio. We look forward to sharing more of her beautiful poems.

If you'd like to share your poems with Sarah-Lou for consideration for the Payson Road Poetry Wall, please email her at, "poetry" @ paysonroad.com (***please note: the quotation marks and spaces in the email address are anti-spam protection, do not include when emailing her)

WHAT MAKES A FRIEND?

They will be the person you turn to that will always be;
The one who listens when you need to talk.
Someone who will give you a hand whenever you need it.
Someone who will lift you when you have fallen.
They lend a shoulder to cry on.
They give you laughter in moments of gloom.
A person that warms you with their smile.
A person who believes in you, no matter what happens.
Friends are around whenever you feel alone.
Friends see you through the hardest of times.
What makes a friend?
What makes a friend?
YOU!

Copyright ©2003 Sarah Louise Stancer

TREE

Don't mind me,
Climb me,
Chop me,
Use me as you wish.
The wind comes;
Blows me,
Sucks me,
Hits me hard with a bash.
All day,
All night.
Pushes me.
Whether it be you,
Or the elements.
BUT, this is me.
Why me?
Leave me,
Let me grow,

ALONE

I"ll grow to you if I wish.
Just let me be.
Let me be.

ME!

THIS

Look at me,
What do you see?
The real me?
Happy,
Smiley me?
Well, that's not me!
Not really.
I'm not happy deep down,
Those smiles inside are frowns.
Those glistening eyes,
Are symbols of my silent cries.
But I can't tell you,
I can't tell anyone.
If I do THIS has won.
I can't admit how I feel ?
In case I break.
I've got to beat THIS
And only I can do it.
I'm scared of letting go:
THIS has the power
To destroy?
To kill me.
THIS hurts me,
THIS is control,
THIS is my friend,
THIS understands me,
THIS is I
I am THIS

SELF

When you begin to feel blue,
Think of what's happened to you.
Compared to everyone else.
Are you thinking of others or just yourself?
If your answer is the latter,
You may realize,
Really there is nothing the matter!

When you begin to feel blue,
Ask yourself, what people think of you.
Are they smiling or frowning.
Just because you feel low,
Doesn?t mean everyone needs to know!

SORRY!

Sorry, I didn't mean it,
Didn't mean to worry you
Please forgive me,
I just didn't know what else to do.
I know you'll probably understand,
And if you don't, I know you'll try.
Please don't worry,
Even, if I do begin to cry.
I've said I'm sorry
But, what else can I do?
You know that I need you!
Please just let me say?
I'm sorry!
Sorry to you!

SAD AND BLUE

When I'm feeling sad and blue,
I just talk to you.
When I ring
You make me smile!
So when you feel down
There's no need to look around ?
Just pick this up,
And take a look
To see how much I care,
Even though I can't always be there!

Copyright ©2003 Sarah Louise Stancer

MIND

Faces everywhere,
People saying they care.
I don't know if they understand
If they do I can't listen.
It's as if they have to complete a mission.
They seem to think it can all be solved,
Just like an everyday common cold.
But, it's not that simple
Even if it's not shown all the time
It's constantly on my mind.
Up in there,
Stored away
Where only I can see ?
Where only I can control,
Well that's how I see it,
I?m probably wrong and have lost the plot.
But, it's my plot to loose!
And I can only solve it,
As I, myself do choose!

LYING

I never told a lie,
Until the other day.
Then that one turned into a few,
Then I didn't know what else to do.
They just kept building up and up.
They got so high,
I couldn't survive.
What could I do?
It's now too late to tell the truth.
I've got into such a mess.
And people seem to have lost interest.
I know they still care,
But, there is never anyone there!
And all because I kept a secret,
Just one lie?

LEAVE ME BE

Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring
It just doesn?t stop.
Constantly ringing
Yearning for a reply.
Isn't anyone going to listen?
Or is it just me again?
Can someone else,
Please take the pain?
I have had enough.
I'm gonna get tough.
I just can't cope anymore,
In fact you are becoming quite a bore.
So please just listen to me;
Go away,
Leave Me Be!

I can never get it right,
Even when I fight.
My eyes once shone, now are dim.
I'm at my lowest ebb?
But, only because of my own secret poison web.
Self-destruction!

A thousand nights, a thousand tears,
I need to face my deepest fears.
Forcing myself to keep busy,
To block out the sadness I feel.
No one can see my pain.
I suffer, In silence!

All I wanted was to have lots of friends,
But, I'm loosing them. I want to be alone.
I can't go out , I feel a burden to society.
I need my home.

I only got better for others (Well they thought I did!)
I felt, I owed them that.
But now I weep within
Yearning to be thin?
I hate today, feeling insignificant,
A disgrace to the human race.
But tomorrow I dread more,
In case I find another flaw!

Website designed and administered by Sarah Mason,

. Payson Road logo concept designed by Tahara Hasan, graphics by Sarah Mason. Payson Road was created Copyright © June 2, 2000. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2000-2005. [Payson Road]. All rights reserved. Revised: January 09, 2006 .